As valuable as mentor-protégé relationships are, they can get complicated if not managed thoughtfully, or if no consideration is given to creating a success plan for the protégé!

As a mentor, and as an observer of other mentor-protégé pairs, I've learned several valuable lessons about how best to manage this relationship. First, it's important to clarify basic understandings about the role of mentor and of protégé (see sidebar, "Begin with the Basics"). Second, it helps to build in a structure, including an orientation to the mentoring process and an endpoint, or "graduation," to encourage systematic progress. Finally, it's important to communicate what makes for a successful relationship.

This article offers some FAQs about what mentors and protégés do, and about managing any anticipated challenges to the mentor-protégé relationship. Organizations may find this information a useful starting point for structuring their own mentoring programs which, incidentally, are among the most important factors in employee retention.

What do mentors and protégés do together?
Talk, talk, and talk. You can begin by sharing past experiences, career paths, and how you reached where you are today. You can learn about each other's goals, plans, skills, and strengths. You may attend meetings, conferences, events, and even work together on problem solving — or exchange materials, articles, and/or publications, and discuss them.

One of the most important activities is to network and interact with people and introduce each other to new people who could be of help. Remember that you must follow through on commitments as a matter of integrity. Be sensitive to cultural and other differences by respecting and accepting the other person's style and approach. Remember to treat your conversations with confidentiality.

Who should manage the relationship?
In the past, mentors always initiated and managed the relationship process. Today, there is a big shift.

Protégés often lead the mentors by requesting their help, and so are essentially managing the partnership. They initiate the relationship, negotiate meeting times, clarifying expectations for confidentiality, suggest how the relationship might work and for how long. They usually monitor their own progress as the relationship continues.

Given this shift in relationship management, it is important for protégés to be flexible and respectful of the mentor's time, as mentors often have very tight schedules and real time constraints. Asking mentors what they are willing to give in terms of time and assistance demonstrates that protégés understand and respect these constraints.

What are some of the challenges of the mentor-protégé relationship?
These days, life is so busy that there is often insufficient time and energy to spend on the mentorship relationship. Making time for professional and personal development is a challenge but is viewed as a top priority by people who are committed to advancing in their careers and lives.

At times, protégés are unsure of what they want and don't know how to conduct a productive conversation with a more seasoned person. In this case, it is often best to be honest and ask the mentor to share his/her experiences and challenges. As the mentor tells these stories, the protégé will inevitably find a theme or issue that has relevance and meaning for his or her own situation. This topic can be the starting point of the conversation.

The challenges of having a helpful and enjoyable mentoring relationship can be overcome if both parties establish ground rules and set expectations during their initial meeting. These ground rules can address schedules, confidentiality, goals, and approach.

For instance, communicate using whatever methods suit both parties best. Good mentoring doesn't always have to be face-to-face. Over time, both mentor and protégé will gain the experience needed to understand how to best meet each other's needs.

How can you create an effective mentor-protégé relationship?
Mentors must provide frequent encouragement, and honestly and tactfully help the protégé recognize areas needing improvement or new thinking. Often, it is best to reserve judgment and not to say "Yes" or "No" too quickly.

Instead, pay attention to the protégé's uniqueness and special gifts. Remember the stated goals of the initial mentoring conversation and try to stay focused in areas that will help the protégé most directly. Ask the protégé what is helpful or what he or she would like more conversation about. The feedback will enable your comments to be most "on target."

Remain open and relaxed while at the same time leading frank and focused discussions. This approach gives the protégé confidence and trust in your abilities to truly uplift his or her spirits and help him or her progress.

Finally, recognize when goals have been achieved and when it is time to transition out of the relationship. Remember, mentoring is ONE key development tool among many, albeit a very effective one.

Clarifying roles and expectations is an important first step to a successful mentor-protégé relationship. Consider sharing the following perspectives with both mentor and protégé to ensure that both parties are "on the same page."

What is a mentor?
A mentor is an advisor, counselor, coach, guide, tutor, teacher, guru, and friend whom you can trust for valuable perspectives. A mentor helps protégés set important goals and fosters the development of skills or the acquisition of knowledge that will enable protégés' success.

What is a protégé?
A protégé seeks a mentor's support and guidance to improve certain skills or bridge knowledge gaps on his or her path to success. As a protégé, being able to identify what you need and the kind of person from whom you need it helps you identify the right mentors for you.

Why become a mentor?
Mentoring is a positive way of "giving back" and of developing a reputation as someone who can groom future leaders. It is the most powerful and least expensive way to change the world one life at a time.

Why be a protégé?
Being a protégé helps you grow. You can create or revise your personal vision and overcome your challenges without having to "go it alone." By working with a mentor, you achieve greater clarity and are able to implement your vision.

What makes for a successful mentor-protégé relationship?
The relationship works best when both parties see mentoring as a two-way conversation-both people give and both people get. It also helps to observe the following tips:

For Mentors!

• Be honest with yourself: know why you want to be a mentor.
• Identify what you can offer: Skills? Knowledge? Lessons learned? Opinions? Personal and professional experience? All of the above?
• Set and adhere to guidelines and boundaries so that the relationship is productive for both you and your protégé.
• Frequently appreciate and encourage your protégé. If any unpleasantness arises in the relationship, provide a warning first and be honest when you pull back.
• Help your protégé lead the process. Talk to the protégé about transition, make "Thanks and goodbye" a positive and satisfying departure, and be open to future contact.
• Express your appreciation for all you have gained from the protégé.

For Protégés!

• Be introspective. Consider the following questions:
  • What have I done in my career? What are my strengths and weaknesses?
  • What is my current situation? Do I like what I am doing?
  • What is my future? What is the work that will lead me there?
  • What do skills or knowledge do I need to advance to the next step in my career?
  • What am I currently involved in that utilizes my experience outside of work?
  • Which of my activities relate to community or to being a good citizen?
• Respect your mentor's time and experience, and the guidelines and boundaries you've set for the relationship.
• Thank the mentor for what he or she has given you.